The Witches of Pooka
by Legolas Skies
Summary: A timeless clasic... Hopelessly hilarious... A story that will have you rolling on the ground laughing...
1. Part 1

A/N: OK, before you even ask, yes, I am absolutely insane. However, I am not alone in my insanity, my friends, Bee (Hermione527) and Lexi, helped me write this. Yes, I realize it is very… how shall I put it… random, but that is something that I ALWAYS, strive to be. All of my "friends" and classmates are in it in some way, shape, or form. If you're from Oglesby, maybe I'm talking about YOU…

Much Love,

Legolas Skies

**The Witches of Pooka**

_Part 1_

Once upon a time, there was a spinnie ballerina boy named Kyle. He loved ballet, it was his life.

One day, Kyle and his poodle Tutu were in the dance studio. The weather was kind of stormy, it was ideal tornado conditions, but Kyle wasn't paying attention, he was too busy chasing Tutu around the room trying to put his tiara on.

All of a sudden a huge bolt of lightening flashed and thunder roared all over the country side. Now that caught Kyle's attention.

It was too late. They were picked in the tornado and carried away... to a far off land.

When the studio had landed and Kyle uncovered his eyes and came out from under the table, he had leaped under it the second the tornado hit, he saw that he was not in the right place. Outside his window should have been his well tended and cared for rose bushes that he cared for so much. Instead he found a humongous ugly tree blocking his view of anything else. If there's one think Kyle hated most, it had to be big and ugly things. But before he dared to outside and investigate he had to go to the closet and find the perfect leash and collar for Tutu. You know he wouldn't want to make a bad impression on anyone if he was in another land. When he finally decided he picked a pink suede one with little adorable rhinestones covering it.

Then Kyle packed his ballet shoes in a bag, you never know when you are going to need them. Finally, Kyle and Tutu were ready to venture into the mysterious outside world.

"Tutu, why do you think there are feet sticking out from under the studio? Oh...My...God! Look at those ballet slippers! They would just go perfectly with my outfit." Kyle looked around to make sure no one was watching and then stuffed the shoes into his bag.

"Sir, you've saved us!" said a small voice behind him.

Kyle whirled around and saw hundreds of little munchkins, "What do you want from me?" he yelled throwing his hands into the air.

"We want to thank you!" the little man hugged Kyle's legs, "You've killed the Wicked Witch of the East and freed us all," said a female voice. Kyle turned around to see a woman with long blond wavy hair in a yellow dress; she also had a wand and tiara.

"Dude, where did you get that?" asked Kyle pointing to her tiara.

"Kohl's, where else?" she asked

"I've got to remember that," Kyle replied.

"Yeah, anyway, you've killed my sister, the wicked witch of the east...and I can't thank you enough! Here, have a trophy," she pointed her wand at him, and in his hand appeared a trophy.

Tears welled up in Kyle's eyes, "I'd like to tank all the little people."

"Oh, good one..." she rolled her eyes, "not."

"Who are you?" asked Kyle, "You don't look wicked."

"That's because I'm not, you idiot. I'm Lexi, the Good Witch of the North," Lexi said.

"Oh, and you're here to help me aren't you?"

"No, I just say 'follow the fuchsia brick road,' and I just did to my work here is done," and with that, she disappeared with a wave of her wand.

"Come on, Tutu, we had better do what she says." And so it began...

Kyle and Tutu skipped down the fuchsia brick road. As they came around the corner they saw a woman on a park bench looking vaguely bored. She had light brown hair, and was wearing an orange shirt that said 'Hail Madame Malicious Monkey,' and jeans

"Hey ballerina boy, about time you got here!" the mysterious woman said.

Who are you?" Kyle asked.

"She sighed and stood up, "I am Mac the Wicked Witch of the West! Fear me! Fear Mac and Cheese! Oooooooooo!"

"You don't look wicked."

"Well I am."

"NO you're not aren't Wicked Witches supposed to wear black dresses?"

"I don't do dresses, besides, are you writing this story?"

"No."

"Then shut-up."

"So, isn't this the part where you're supposed to swear revenge on me for killing your sister?"

Mac looked blank, "Why?"

"I just always thought that was what came next." Kyle said

"No, I'm here to make you an honorary member of the K.F.C."

"What?"

"K.F.C. Kill Fiona Clan. You killed her you deserve a spot in the club."

"Wait, who's Fiona?" Kyle questioned.

"The wicked witch of the east, the one your dance studio landed on, and the one whose shoes you stole."

"How do you know about that?"

"God, Lexi saw you."

"Who?"

"Lexi. The Good Witch of the North, the one you just met by your dance studio. Are you this stupid all the time?"

"Wow! You know, she was really nice. Oh, and my stupidity is a side effect of being friends with Connor."

"Yeah, that's her job, she is a good witch remember."

"That's right, so what now?"

"Follow the fuchsia brick road, duh."

"Oh, thanks so much," and off he went with Tutu following, skipping down the fuchsia brick road.

As Kyle and Tutu were passing a cornfield, Kyle heard a voice say, "So, what's your dirty little secret?"

"Who said that?" Kyle asked.

"Me, Ronald the scarecrow."

"I don't have any secrets."

"Everyone on this road has a dirty little secret."

"Everyone knows that I dance, but that's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Um, yeah it is. That's pretty gay."

"No it's not, you hurt my feelings."

"Yeah, well that's nothing compared to me, I'm a leprechaun."

"Wow…that is bad. So, now what do we do."

"Well, the witches' servants that just flew over said that you wee to follow the fuchsia brick road and that I was to go with you."

"Servants? Flew? What are they?"

"Well Mac's got a whole regiment of flying monkeys and Lexi's got a few fairy poogles, and Amber has got two flying penguins."

"What's with all the flying animals? What did the east witch have?"

"Nothing, you see. Their mother loved flying animals so she gave each of her daughters a flying pet when they were born. However Fiona strangled her eel when she was three months old."

"Eel? A flying eel?"

"Yes, an eel, you're not too bright are you?"

"Not really, I just like to dance."

"Yeah, anyway, we had better get walking the magical land of Pooka is very far away."

And so they skipped down the fuchsia brick road, arm in arm, with Tutu following.

Next Ronald, Kyle and Tutu were passing a clump of woods. Suddenly, Tutu got off his leash and made a dash into the trees. Kyle and Ronald followed at a run, calling for Tutu. When they emerged into a clearing, they saw a woman with beautiful dark and curly hair. She was wearing a flowing green dress with silver sequins scattered all over. On her head she wore a black cowboy hat. In her arms she held Tutu.

"Is this your dog?" she asked.

"Oh, thank God you found him!" yelled Kyle rushing toward his dog and scooping him up in a big hug.

"Well," said the woman, "it is the ugliest thing I have ever seen!"

"Hey!" Who do you think you are, calling Tutu ugly?"

"Amber, the good witch of the south, like what you see?" she asked pointing to herself.

"No."

"Good, because I would take it as an extreme insult if a ballerina boy like this," ad she disappeared in a green cloud of smoke.

"Tutu! I was so worried about you, don't you ever run off like that again!" said Kyle hugging and kissing his dog.

"You know," said Ronald, "you really have some issues."

Kyle was about to respond when they heard crying near the road. They went to investigate

HE, HE, HE, HE, HE… I'm ebil (no, it's not a misspelling)! Can anybody guess which character I am? I'll post it in my note for Part 2. Until then…

Much Love,

Legolas Skies


	2. Part 2

A/N: Guess who's back? Back again? Ballerina Boy's back! Tell a friend!

The Witches of

Pooka

Part 2

They went through the trees, and saw a tin man crying.

"Don't cry," said Kyle, "you'll rust and nobody looks good in rust color."

"Why are you crying, Friend? What's your secret?"

"I'm gay! And now I'm supposed to go with you two to Pooka or, at least, that's what the messenger said."

"Well," said Ronald, "you had better do what they say. Even the good witches have nasty tempers, but that Mac, she's got a temper like a dragon."

"Yes, I guess you're right, we had better not waste time, let's go."

As Tim tried to get up, he found that he couldn't move.

"I've rusted! Oh no; what shall we do?"

Don't worry," said Kyle opening his bag, "I always carry a bottle of oil; you never know when you may need it."

Kyle oiled the Tin man and then they were off, back to the Fuchsia brick road.

The four made their way down the fuchsia brick road; they came upon a strange sight. In the middle of the road sat a lion. That wouldn't have been strange, except for the fact that he was sitting there m glued to a TV. As they got closer, they realized that the lion was watching…BARNEY!

"SSSSSShhhhhh," said the lion, "Barney's on."

"Wow," said Ronald, the scarecrow, "He's even more messed up than you, eh, Kyle."

Kyle decided to ignore that comment.

"So, that's your secret?" asked Kyle, "That you like Barney?"

"Yeah, go away!"

"What's your name?" asked Tim, "You're kind of cute."

"Colin"

"Well Colin, I think you're supposed to come with us to Pooka," said Kyle.

"What? And leave Barney?"

"Yeah, unfortunately," said Ronald.

"Okay," said Colin, "but only because those monkeys told me to, they can get really nasty, you know, they almost smashed my TV!"

And so, the five companions made their way to see, The Wonderful Witches of Pooka.

The five merrily made their way down the fuchsia brick road. But suddenly, the road ended in a field of candy flowers.

"Look at that," said Kyle pointing off on the horizon, "A Castle! Made out of candy!"

"Wow," said Colin, "Sweet."

"Let's go!" said Tim.

So, they crossed the field of flowers and walked up to a Gummy Door on a peppermint walkway. When they got there, they rang a sugar-spoon bell. They waited for a few minutes, and then a familiar face opened the door. It was Kyle's friend Jack.

"Oh, my God! You're here too! Wait until I tell the Witches, they'll be so pleased, they love company. They loved me so much, they made me stay and work for them," he said all in one breath.

"No." said Mac coming down a flight of starburst stairs, "We made you our slave because you ate our chocolate fountain! And no more talking to the quest or I'll get Amber down here to poke you with the Spork of Doom."

"Who said Spork?" asked Amber, suddenly appearing behind Jack holding a Spork like a sword.

"I just told the minion that you'd poke him if he didn't shut-up."

"Oh." evil grin

"If you don't mind me asking," said Kyle, "why are we here?"

"Because," said Lexi appearing behind him, "We have something that may interest you."

"Like what?"

"Like pictures of you in your dance studio, dancing in a tutu with Tutu."

"No!"

"Oh yes!" the witches said together.

"I think..." said Kyle

"Well," said Mac, "That's never a good sign."

"I think..." he started again.

"Don't hurt yourself," said Lexi.

"I think..."

"Don't give yourself a brain cramp," said Amber.

"I think you're **ALL** evil!"

"See, told you!' said Mac, "But you didn't believe me!"

"Didn't Ronald tell you?" Amber asked. "Everyone here has a secret, all though, some are way funnier than others, ballerina boy."

"But he said you don't have secrets."

"Duh," said Lexi, "our secret is that our secret is a secret, secret that we're all secretly evil sometimes."

"What do you mean sometimes?" Kyle asked still very confused.

"Well Mac is evil all the time, Amber is evil half the time, and I am evil only some of the time. Like to you," said Lexi.

"I don't have a secret!" said Mac feeling special because everyone can clearly see she is evil, "Everything is out in the open for me."

"Oh yeah?" asked Amber, challenging her statement, "Then who's the monkeys' daddy?"

"You're all confusing me!" cried Kyle.

"Look," said Jack, "It's really easy, they want something in return for keeping quiet about you little ballet addiction. They'll want something more for shredding the pictures, though I seriously doubt you'll manage that."

Mac patted Jack's head, "Good minion, have a skittle."

"Fine then what do you want?" asked Kyle desperately.

"How about we kill him?" questioned Lexi.

"By Spork?" asked Amber.

"Hey Lexi I thought you were only evil some of the time," Kyle said trying to save his life.

"Don't you listen? You're special. I really hate you," Lexi replied.

"How about we take his dog's matching collar and leash set? It's an embarrassment to everyone, everywhere!"

"No! Death!" yelled Lexi.

"Well you know what!" Amber yelled. "I have a pickle in my ear!"

"Okay, how about we take the leash and collar and you can Spork him a bit, then we'll send him home?"

"I guess," said Amber and Lexi.

"Handover the leash, buddy," said Mac.

"Fine."

"Spork time!" yelled Amber. "Poke...Poke...Poke...Poke...God, you're no fun, you don't yell."

"So, how do I get home?"

"Put on the shoes," said Lexi.

"Then click you heels," said Amber.

"It might help to pretend you're playing basketball," said Mac.

"And say, 'there's no place like my dance studio, there's no place like my dance studio, there's no place like my dance studio." They all said together.

Kyle did as they said, and soon he felt himself drifting away rocking back and forth.

When the swaying motion stopped, he opened his eyes. He was standing in the middle of his studio! He leaped for joy, (Literally, being a ballerina boy and all.)

For the rest of his life, he never was really sure if it had all been a dream or not. All he knew was that from that day on, he could never find Tutu's pink collar and leash with the rhinestones. And that these little round marks on his arms never went away, they looked suspiciously like Spork marks...

Incase you were wondering, I'm Mac. Bee is Amber, and Lexi is… well, Lexi. Hope you loved my oddball story as much as I do, but if not… BITE ME.

Much Love,

Legolas Skies

P.S. There is a prequel.

P.P.S. Bee wrote a song about Ballerina Boy to the tune of All American Rejects' _Dirty Little Secret. _Will post as a chapter soon…


	3. song

**Let me know that I've done wrong.  
When I've sung my spinnie song.  
I twirl around an hour or two  
To have fun in my tutu;;**

Tell me all the moves.  
Show me all the spins and twirls.  
You are the only one that needs to know;;  
-guitar-  
I'll keep you my Dirty Little Secret (Dirty Little Secret).  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret (just another regret, hope that you can keep it).  
My Dirty Little Secret.  
Who has to know?

When I try for gold each time.  
It's the best way I survive.  
I twirl around an hour or two.  
To have fun in my tutu;;

Tell me all the moves.  
Show me all the spins and twirls.  
You are the only one that needs to knowwww.  
-guitar-  
I'll keep you my Dirty Little Secret (Dirty Little Secret).  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret (just another regret, hope that you can keep it).  
My Dirty Little Secret.  
Dirty Little Secret.  
Dirty Little Secret!  
Who has to know?  
Who has to kno-o-ow!?

**Ok, I'm going to take the time to thank all of my reviewers…**

_Hermione 527_- Yeah, HIL-AR-I-US… not.

_Feather Wind_- Awe… You are SO sweet!!!!

_Kirra White Tigress_- - Right back at 'cha.

_Lexi1991_- Wow:o You joined fan-fiction!!!

_original screenname_- It was great, wasn't it?

_Hermione 527_- Thank you, Bee!!!1111one!!one11one!!!!!


End file.
